In the Shadow of a Big Brother
by Leeyna
Summary: SPOILERS for 3x15 Big Brother. Blaine didn't have the easiest childhood because growing up in the shadow of the seemingly perfect brother is difficult.


A/N: This is based on spoilers we've gotten for "Big Brother".

Disclaimer: RIB own the characters.

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><p>Blaine was five, five and a half thank you very much, when he first realized something. No matter what he did, he would always be compared with his big brother. The realization, as much as a five and a half year old can have one, hit him while lying on the hot concrete of their road after he'd fallen off his bike for what felt like the millionth time that day. His dad, who had helped push him off and then let go, had given up running up to him every time he landed on the rough ground. Instead he yelled a sentence that brought little Blaine to that conclusion.<p>

"Your brother could ride a bike when he was four, you know."

This sentence alone wouldn't have brought on the realization, but mixed with something his mother had said a few weeks ago made it so much more obvious.

"Blaine, come on, it's not that hard. Cooper tied his own shoes before he turned four."

Always Cooper. Cooper this, Cooper that. Little Blaine loved his big brother, he was his hero and he wanted nothing more than to be like Cooper. But before that could even happen he had to learn how to ride his bike.

Slowly he pulled his knees under his slender body and pushed himself into a kneeling position. Little stones dug deeply into his hands and he quickly blinked away his tears. He wouldn't cry, Cooper never did, so he wouldn't either. Finally standing up he grabbed the handle of his bike and pulled it up from the ground. No matter how many times he'd fall today, he would get back up and learn how to ride a bike.

When Blaine turned eight, he had a big birthday party, with all his classmates from school. Well, the ones his mother had invited without asking him. He didn't even talk to half of these children at school, nor did he want to. He wasn't an outsider by all means; he just liked to keep to himself. A few of the other children made fun of him all the time. It wasn't his fault that he liked to read or that he liked to wear colourful bow ties and roll up his jeans. He was proud that his mother wasn't the one dressing him in the mornings. And he couldn't wait until he could tie his own bow tie and get rid of the childish ones that went around his neck with an elastic band.

For days he had fussed and sulked because his mother had invited those children when Blaine would've been happy with cake and a few new books. In the end his mother had, for the very first time in earnest, raised her voice against him.

"Blaine, stop acting like a baby. It's your birthday so you're having a party."

Blaine had stomped his foot and glared at his mother, "I didn't ask for one. They always make fun of me. I don't want them here."

"Stop it, Blaine. Maybe you should take your nose out of your books sometimes and make friends. We never had to worry about your brother. Why can't you be a bit more like Cooper?"

Tears had sprung to his eyes and his head had dropped to the ground in an instant. Over the years he had heard variations of that sentence but they had never said it quite like that. Blaine sniffed a little and blinked away the tears. Cooper never cried, so he wouldn't either.

"Okay, I'll have the party."

"Good boy. Why couldn't you just be like this from the start?"

In the end the party was a disaster. ´Two boys, who were usually the ones who taunted him in school, pushed him outside and he fell straight into the dirt. It took all of his willpower to blink back the tears this time. Blaine had worn his new pair of pants; a bright red pair that stopped just over his ankle and he even had a matching bow tie. When he stood back up he stared down at his pants, new tears springing to his eyes when he saw the dark, muddy streaks that now stained them.

Grumbling to himself he ran into the house and straight to his father.

"Daddy, he pushed me and now my nice pants are all muddy and dirty and they're just ruined." He hated how his voice cracked at the end but hoped that his dad would have a solution and make it all better. But his father simply stared at him, frowning at his son.

"It's just a little mud, Blaine. Stop being so over dramatic. Your brother never complained. Why can't you be like him?"

For the second time in the span of a few days one of his parents had said it. They wished he was more like Cooper, more grown up like his 16 year old brother.

Rolling his eyes, Blaine stomped his foot and turned around to go back outside. Stopping in the kitchen for a moment, he looked straight into the light, forcing the tears away. Cooper never cried and his parents wanted him to be like Cooper, so he wouldn't either.

After that day Blaine tried really hard. He took up soccer, just like Cooper had, and just like Cooper, he dressed in normal clothes, his bow ties pushed back in the bottom drawer of his dresser, long forgotten. He only read at night, before bed and tried his best to make friends. He did everything to fit in; he gave everything to be good enough for his parents.

But no matter how hard he worked, how well he did in school, it was never good enough. Cooper was the one getting praised for simply passing classes. Soon enough Blaine learned that everyone fell under the Cooper Anderson spell, as he had taken to calling it. It was the most difficult when their whole family gathered. Every grandparent, every uncle and aunt simply adored Cooper, who could talk about grown up things and say smart things and entertain a whole room by singing or performing something.

Shortly after he turned fourteen, Blaine realized something else. It wasn't an instant realization like the one he had when he was five and a half, no, this was something gradual, something that had made its way into his mind over the last few years. When all the other boys started talking about girls and how hot certain girls in their class were, Blaine stayed out of it. He liked most of the girls well enough but he never wanted to kiss one or even hold hands with one. Instead, he caught himself staring at Alex, his best friend. He noticed little things that he found wonderful and perfect. The way, Alex' lashes fanned out over his cheeks when he closed his eyes, or the way Alex scrunched up his nose when he was solving a difficult math problem.

But it wasn't until he woke up from a dream that had featured him and Alex at the swimming pool, hugging and splashing each other and just holding on to each other tightly. He groaned uncomfortable before he noticed what had woken him up; his pyjama pants were stuck to his crotch with come. He'd had his first wet dream and it wasn't over a girl. He tried to forget that it ever happened but when it happened a few more times, he started searching the internet for information and that's when he realized it; he realized that he is gay.

At first that realization didn't change anything. How could it? He still tried to be like Cooper and his perfect brother always brought the most beautiful women home from college, so how could he even think about bringing home another boy?

It wasn't like it mattered anyway. Even though Cooper had moved out when he went away for college, his parents still held his brother over him whenever Blaine did something.

"Blaine, why did you only get an A on that quiz? Cooper only had A+ when he was your age."

"Blaine, you're not quitting soccer, Cooper always loved to play."

"Why aren't you brining a nice girl home with you? Your brother always dated the most beautiful girl in his class."

It was always "Cooper this, Cooper that" no matter how hard Blaine tried, it seemed like he could never get anything right. Somehow his parents were always upset with him for something. It was even worse whenever Cooper came home from college. Worse because he had to sit through the meals with his parents discussing everything Cooper had achieved, dangling it in front of his nose. And he could be sure that in the two weeks, sometimes even longer, after Cooper had left again, they would never fail to bring up how perfect Cooper was; tearing him down further.

Shortly before Blaine turned fifteen, Cooper came home with big news. He'd been minding his own business when, out of the blue, an agent had stopped him and asked him to come in for an audition for a big movie. Cooper had gotten the role and was now well on his way to become a famous actor. For almost two hours Blaine had to sit by and watch his parents tell Cooper how proud they were of him, what an amazing opportunity it was and that they thought he would be a brilliant actor.

When his mother's eyes shot over at Blaine, he could easily read her disappointment in them. Clear as day, he could hear her words in his head.

"And what are you doing with your life? Why can't you be like your brother?"

Wait, no, that wasn't just in his head, her lips had moved, she had really uttered those words. He couldn't say anything, his voice refused to work for him. Blaine had gotten used to his parents wishing that he was more like Cooper, even to comparing them all the time but that she was doing this here, right now, in front of Cooper was like the last straw. How could they seriously sit there and do this in front of his brother? Surely Cooper would speak up. At least he hoped he would.

But his big brother, the one person he'd always admired, simply stared at him, waiting for an answer just like his parents. Blaine slunk down in his seat a little, his mind reeling with things he could say but nothing seemed right. He just wanted to be left alone.

"Young man, I think your mother asked you a question."

"I…" Blaine started, voice cracking. He took a deep breath and thought that this might be the time to tell them how much it hurt that he was always compared to Cooper, that even though he got a higher score on all his exams, no one had acknowledged it in the slightest. He took another deep breath and opened his mouth. Instead of everything he had just said a different set of words came out.

"I'm gay." Realizing what he'd just said he clapped one hand over his mouth wishing that he'd never even opened his mouth. His head turned to his parents and he coiled back as he saw the utter shock in their faces.

His father was the first to recover.

"This is nothing to joke about, Blaine. If this is your idea of funny, let me tell you that you should stick to small talk instead."

"I'm not… I'm not joking. I'm gay," Blaine replied, hoping that once his parents realized that it wasn't a joke, they would react better.

A loud sob caused his head to turn towards his mother, and it almost broke his heart to see the thick tears streaming over his face.

The hours after his mother broke down, sobbing and begging him to stop saying "such terrible things" were the hardest. But what broke his heart in the end wasn't that his mother didn't stop crying for hours or that his father looked at him in disappointment, god knows he was used to that, no it was the fact that his big brother, his hero, had simply sat by and hadn't said one word apart from trying to calm their mother down. He didn't even flinch when their father obviously had enough and hit Blaine right across the face. Cooper didn't follow him when Blaine stormed out of the room, tears spilling over his cheeks. He didn't come knocking on the door that Blaine had thrown shut with a loud boom that would've earned him another slap across the face if anyone had cared enough to follow him.

But no, nobody did. Blaine simply curled up under his blankets and cried himself to sleep, deep down hoping that Cooper would come in after their parents had calmed down but he didn't.

The next morning, well more like early afternoon, Blaine went downstairs, dressed to the nines, as if that could somehow fix the mess from last night. Walking slowly, as not to disturb anyone, through the house he searched for any sign of his parents or Cooper but instead he simply finds a note stuck to the fridge.

_Your father and I had to go on a business trip, we'll be back in two weeks. Call Mrs. Fields if you need anything, she'll come by on Wednesday to clean and bring you groceries as always. Cooper went back to college. _

_Mom_

They're all gone. No one even bothered to wake him up. She didn't even sign with her usual _love and kisses_ just a short, almost neutral _Mom_ it hurt, and right there, alone in the kitchen, paper scrunched up in the hand that kept banging furiously against the fridge Blaine finally realized something. He would never be like his brother; he would never be good enough for them.

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><p>AN: This is based on my own thoughts about the spoilers, on what I think happened between them, or what might've made them estranged because if we know one thing from the Somebody That I Used to Know performance, there is some unresolved tension between them. Let me know what you think. :)


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